I give up.

[glitters]

Guys, I can't keep hurting myself like this.

I draw all this stuff because I want to, because I like to. I love sharing my ideas and artwork with all of you, I really, really do. And I do apologize that I haven't posted anything in two months.

It's just been...I'm not pointing fingers, it's just been frustrating lately is all. It's bothersome when I log on and people are jumping on me asking "when are the pics going up? When are the pics going up? When are the pics going up?" I'm sure I'm not the only one here who gets frustrated when people constantly...monitor me. Wrong word? Perhaps. I'm not good with words.

I tried the best I could, and I have very little to show for it. A lot of these aren't done and I don't plan on finishing them. It's not that I wouldn't have wanted to, I wanted a lot of them coloured and fancy...but I'm sick and tired of looking at them. Looking at these drawings makes me angry and upset. I'm not mad at anyone here, don't worry.

I had a list of comics on top of this as well to draw, like...ten of them. I drew I think, four of them and then tossed the list in the trash.

And that was probably the best choice I could have made. There are no words that could possibly explain just how much of a relieving feeling that was. If the fire strikes me, of course I'll dig through my memory and finish those I didn't do, yet.
But until then, what I have here is incomplete, and the comics are primitive. I really tried, but I'm so sick of looking at these that it was frustrating trying to sit here for over an hour to draw to pictures that STILL look like an eight year-old drew them.

You're probably not happy with me, and I don't blame you. If not, don't shower me with apologies or pity. Hopefully now though I can get back into the swing of things.

I'm very sorry.

Here I started with Annabelle, trying to colour her in a way I tried back when I was fourteen and I thought it was cool. Then again, when I was fourteen I didn't know a damn thing about art, so...


Tried my hand again at Vincent. So not where I want him to be yet, but at least this is the best I've done.


Tried to get Selina done, too =/ She looks alright, I think. I just really needed to get a face to her.


Lilith, looking fantastic as usual. I really wanted to get this one done with cool colours and stuff but garrrgghhh I hate it. I hate it SO much.

And I might as well put up the few comics I DO have here:

Oh god I'm not happy with how Elexa looks in this. But this is srsly the...well, second-best out of the three I've done. On the plus side, I quite enjoy the look on Zelos' face in that last image.

The other comic I did I can't quite post here yet. Spoilerific and all, though that one I did the best work on, imo.

And then Annabelle as Little Red Riding Hood and Xisa:

And this was the kick in the face for me which made me throw my pencil to the side and say "F***. THIS." Over a friggen' HOUR at this stupid thing.

TWO IMAGES. That's all I needed. I couldn't even force myself to draw the two of them.

And that's when I realized that that's what I've been doing lately. I've been forcing myself to draw. I can't do that because it hurts.


I'm really sorry. Really...really sorry.

[Mark Angelus Fri]

You shouldn't feel the need to post stuff up because you have to, you should only post them when you feel good and ready to. Otherwise how can it be fun? Anyway all of them are good, I like the one with Xisa, I also like Zelos's face at the end.

[glitters]

Of course. And I post this stuff because I really want to. Though I suppose I should stop telling everyone I'm working on something/have things to post "after I do this with it", because once pressure is put on it....doesn't become fun anymore.

[Mark Angelus Fri]

Exactly, I have stuff I write and when people pressure me I slowly end up quieting it. Which is really sad because I used to love to write and make those things, when I try to get back to it I just find it to hard.

[Lady Elexa B'Shera]

Hey... Jess, I REALLY know how that goes... and I'm sooo sorry, I didn't see this and then I asked you about the comics without knowing and I'm just SO sorry, I didn't know.

I feel liek such an ass... I know I've been pressuring you and I feel REALLY bad about it. Honestly, I think presure is one of the resons I stopped writing Ghosts... and I want to go back to it. ANd it's one of the reasons I stopped posting on certain forums. And I feel AWFUL because I KNOW I was doing the same thing to you.

...can you forgive me, onee-chan?

PS: Anabelle looks AMAZING.